“This is just one big page where I can write all about myself, without feeling the need for it to be useful.” - Derek Sivers ( https://sive.rs/about)
A loner #
Family, humanity, fraternity #
There is a saying in English that familial bonds are always stronger than other relationships. That is “blood is thicker than water”.
I, however, do not agree with this. There is no way to even trust anyone, not even our family since they cannot provide trustness and love forever. Even if we agree with this, our family would and should be extended towards humanity, not solely on a particular group you live with. That’s why, we are all cousins, even if we are strangers. But if we include this view, by confirming the proverb, there is no way to even trust anyone.
Btw, I have a very weak family ties.
Friendship as true love #
The truth above all these appearences lies in the lies of tradition.
Every human being love to be loved. Whatever love is, it is the true beauty behind all the things we love, it is the only one who loves itself and be loved by itself. It is so perfect that the only thing it can do is to love itself. From love derives everything inside existence, giving all the essence it needs from love, and move alongside to the perfection of love.
As I’m a lover, I cannot love myself to be loved. Even if one that isn’t love can love itself, one doesn’t feel to be loved. That’s one of the many reasons human is a social being, to seek love and achieve a full and deep life with the other.
However, I don’t agree the nowadays conception of friendship since many online platforms, whether is a social network or a multiplayer game, have turned the view of a friend as someone that accepts a request to be a friend (more like a companion or an acquaintance). Hence why it is convenient to ask philosophy if friendship truly is friendship.
Therefore, I should define what is a friend. First of all, if one seeks someone just to be loved by loving that someone, does that make someone a friend? Not necessarily, but, at least to be a friend, that one must also love the one solely to be loved. The end and the aim of love is by itself love.
Since it is necessary to love someone in life, the highest love would always be the one, the dearest of all within one life to stay, the most meaningful within our mind to share: a childhood friend.
Solitude & lonely #
But what about the other who never had a childhood friend? Ever since I have been alone, I remained lonely in a long-term period, seeking what I need the most, something that is more meaningful to me, and yet I still lack: a friend. But even so, two years ago (written in 2024) I found someone who deeply cared me and made me think that she might be a friend. Now, I don’t even know if she really is my friend or a part of a list friend.
The lack of significance towards friendship made me so anxious in my existence that I don’t even know what to step forward, even my definition doesn’t match with action. It is either leaving her because she doesn’t love me as a friend or stay with her to love me as a friend.
But since neither the first nor the second option is viable, maybe this website leaves me some space to share the unknown to understand what I suffer from lonely and everything I have been living. I may not share with her anymore, the one I should share is by itself is.
As for my solitude, I prefer to stay on a minimal social contact in a calm environment, no crowds, no noises.
A philosopher #
Philosophy, or should I say love of wisdom? Both terms, as it appears to me, are the same. I, myself, love wisdom and I would like to become, one day, a sage. For now, I just called myself a philosopher because (1) I love to be wise, (2) I pursue wisdom, (3) I spend part of my free time on philosophy.